I thank my younger self for holding onto hope, even when she thought she had stopped believing in a better future.
Dearest Doodle Soupsters,
Each of these artworks is part of my new Cycle Breakers collection …
The fact that all of these artworks are made by the same person proves that everything changes.
Pain moves and remains at once. And I am here, living proof of what can come after survival: love, grief, exhaustion, endless possibility, meaning, human and spiritual connection, feeling truly alive.
I understand why I was once ambivalent about my own existence, wrestling with suicidality while struggling to find the will to go on, while clinging onto a thread of hope that I often doubted was real.
Carrying my misery felt never-ending and that’s because I carried way too much for too long while too young. I am not alone in this experience. And the fact that I wasn’t alone didn’t change the reality of my relentless pain for so many years. I kept hanging on by a thread and now I am here. I still can hardly believe it sometimes: I am here.
Holding onto hope when it feels nothing changes, when nothing has changed yet, is its own kind of burden, its own kind of heartbreak.
And yet, hope is what stood between my end and a possible future.
I thank my younger self for holding onto hope, even when she thought she had stopped believing in a better future. Because my younger self’s hope is the reason I get to live today and truly live my one precious life.
Truly alive, free, and with hope,
Nicole Sylvia Javorsky
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